Pain Trilogy
by M-chan1
Summary: This is a re-working of my previous two stories, 'Pain' and 'Gone'. This is a V/H and is very sappy/mushy with sadness thrown in. The last part of the trilogy will be up tomorrow
1. Default Chapter

OK, I've put 'Pain' and 'Gone' together and am writing the last instalment of the trilogy, I hope everyone has enjoyed reading these three little ficlets as much as I've enjoyed writing them! Maybe enjoy is too strong a word, maybe wallowing in angst and sap is better! ~_^  
  
Pain  
  
The rain fell hard, drenching her clothes. The droplets stabbed at her skin, like tiny knifepoints, causing her body to go numb. But it didn't numb the pain. The excruciating pain. The pain that caused her eyes to glaze over, the pain that filled her heart. No, nothing could lessen that pain for her.  
  
She got up off the bench, and started to walk home. She walked on, ignoring the looks of passers-by. She already knew what they were saying, the rumours, the accusations, the pity. She had tried to explain her absence, but naturally no one believed her, not even Yukari and Amano. They had forgotten both encounters with Van and everyone had their own theories about her disappearance. Drugs, kidnap, brain washing, none of this was true, but it was more plausible than the actual truth. Wars, dragons, knights and princesses, they were all legends. Allen, Chid, Millerna, Merle, Dryden and Van, no one knew about them and they didn't want to find out.  
  
Van. All she had to remind herself of him was his feather. Not that she needed it. His intoxicating scent still haunted her. It was hard to describe, clean, woody with a slight hint of musk and brimstone. At times she could still feel his touch, velvety soft and radiating warmth. But the feather was still a great help, without it she didn't think she could have survived so long. She got it out of her 'Gaea' box as soon as she got home, after a distracted greeting to her worried mother. The feather, though slightly worn from her nearly constant caresses, shone as brightly as on the day it was given. She lay back on her bed, eyes closed, gently stroking the feather and remembered. The journeys, battles and countless arguments. Funny, she had been so worked up about them then, but now…she'd give anything to even have an argument with him. Anything to see him, be with him. But it was impossible. They were of two different worlds and she had already made her decision. She knew it was the right thing to do, but…home wasn't home anymore. She still loved her family, but it wasn't enough. When she thought of home, it evoked images of Gaea, the rolling hills of Fanelia, the monuments of Freid and the bustling metropolis of Austuria. She put the feather back in the box and sifted through the other contents. The feather, scraps of the dress Millerna had given her, some dried Fanelian flowers, her running kit and her diary. She picked up the small book that held so many memories, though her feelings were slightly skewed at the time. She had written in the book scrupulously, everyday before she fell asleep. She turned to a page at random and started to read…  
  
"…God, I can't believe how rude and cold Van was today! Eurgh, that guy can be such a jerk! I swear he has no feelings! Not like Allan, he's so sensitive and really dreamy. He cares about other people, not like another person I could mention, but won't…"  
  
She smiled at how she had misinterpreted Van during the most part of her stay in Gaea. His coldness was only a cover for his feelings, his rudeness a cover for his pain.  
  
She shut her diary, her smile gone. She missed him, wanted him, needed him. Why did they have to go through this…suffering? Why her, why him. It wasn't fair, but then…life was never fair.  
  
*****  
  
The sun shone brightly, covering the fields of Fanelia in a warm light. It was mocking him, his mood, his pain. Instead of warming him the light only caused his eyes to water, hot tears burning his cheeks.  
  
He had just talked to his advisors. They had all avoided his gaze, not wanting to look at him as they announced the news he had been waiting for. He had to find a Queen for Fanelia and they had the 'perfect' candidate. But…he couldn't, it was his duty, his vocation, but still he couldn't do it, for one simple reason.  
  
Hitomi. Beautiful, kind, she was truly perfect in his eyes. He remembered every little thing about her. Her sweet, flowery, slightly cinnamony scent. Shining emerald green eyes, silky sandy blonde hair, the softest skin imaginable. His need for her overpowered him at times, the need to touch, feel. He wanted to love her, posses her. He might have hidden his love for her before, but now he was able to admit it readily, He loved Hitomi Kanzaki.  
  
He was respected and loved by his people, but still, no one understood him. Even Millerna had hinted that he should get married. The only people who didn't dare to suggest it were Allen and Merle, but even they couldn't understand his pain.  
  
He remembered the first time he saw her, not many people had ever stood up to him. Her spirit was full of fire, but she was still the most graceful creature he had ever met. Her strength of mind was great, her strength of heart greater. He took out the only reminder he had of her, her pendant. It was smooth and cool under his fingers, the startling pink stone pulling him in. If he looked hard enough he could almost see her again. But…no, that would be too painful; memories were hard enough to handle, but the real thing…too painful.  
  
God, why pain, why suffering, why for them? He was in love with her, but he could never have her. It hurt, but he had to deal with…the pain.  
  
  
  
  
  
Two souls, broken apart by fate, pain and suffering caused by eternal love. Soul mates torn by two worlds, two homes. Will they be reunited? Who knows, but the pain will last until then. 


	2. Gone

2nd part of the Trilogy, a songfic set to the song 'Gone', by N*Sync. I know…N*Sync...If anyone I know is reading this they'll know...I really can't stand them (Have you heard, one of them is undergoing tests to see if he can go into space…Now if only he'd take the rest of the band…and Britney! ~_^). But, this song is sweet and a really cute ballad, so I couldn't resist using it! ^_^  
  
/Lyrics/  
  
Disclaimer: No ownee, no suee.  
  
'Gone'  
  
/There's a thousand words that I could say,  
  
To make you come home/  
  
Van Fanel was pacing the room, his face creased with a frown  
  
/Oh, seems so long ago you walked away,  
  
Left me alone/  
  
She had left him. He had waited so long that his pain had become a dull ache, set to the back of his mind, only freshening at night, when the Mystic Moon shone with a pale light.  
  
/I remember what you said to me  
  
You were acting so strange/  
  
He still remembered the night their link to each other was broken down to the tenuous hold they now shared.  
  
/and maybe I was too blind to see  
  
That you needed a change/  
  
He had thought it might lessen both their pain, not to have to experience the other's life. Now he only felt the significant moments, times of only extreme sorrow or happiness.  
  
/Was it something I said  
  
To make you turn away?/  
  
He sighed and leaned against the wall, remembering the last time they had talked. The night of it. She had tried to hide her feelings from him, always thinking of others before herself. But he had felt it, her anguish had rushed through him like a wave. It was then they had said goodbye…for the last time.  
  
/To make you walk out and leave me cold  
  
If I could just find a way/  
  
He would have done anything, cancelled it, given up the throne, anything for her at that moment. It wouldn't have changed anything.  
  
/To make it so that you were right here  
  
But right now.../  
  
Before he was in pain, but now it was worse, the pain was fading and he was alone.  
  
/I've been sitting here  
  
Can't get you off my mind/  
  
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong  
  
/I've drove myself insane  
  
Wishing I could touch your face/  
  
But the truth remains…  
  
You're gone...  
  
You're gone...  
  
Baby you're gone  
  
Girl you're gone, baby girl, you're gone...  
  
You're gone…  
  
You're.../  
  
She was gone.  
  
/I don't wanna make excuses, baby  
  
Won't change the fact that you're gone/  
  
There was no going back now, it was nearly time. He could hear Allen's footsteps, resounding on the marble floor of the palace corridor.  
  
/But if there's something that I could do  
  
Won't you please let me know?/  
  
He had thought about contacting her, but it wouldn't be fair. If she had wanted to talk to him…she would have contacted him.  
  
/Time is passing so slowly now  
  
Guess that's my life without you/  
  
"Van…" That was all Allen was able to say. He had seen the woman he loved marry another man, his only son was raised by a stranger, yet still he didn't understand the pain  
  
/and maybe I could change my every day  
  
But baby I don't want to/  
  
Van pushed past Allen, ready to face his 'destiny'. Huh, destiny, such an empty word. He had believed Hitomi was his destiny and look where that had got him.  
  
/So I'll just hang around  
  
and find some things to do/  
  
He and Allen entered the Temple and walked to the alter. Van felt like all the eyes of Fanelia were watching him betray himself, her.  
  
/To take my mind off missing you  
  
and I know in my heart  
  
You can't say that you don't love me too  
  
Please say you do/  
  
They loved each other and here he was, about to betray all the trust, promises, his own dreams, for the sake of his kingdom!  
  
/Yeeaah....  
  
I've been sitting here  
  
Can't get you off my mind  
  
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong  
  
I Drove myself insane  
  
Wishing I could touch your face  
  
But the truth remains/  
  
He watched her walk down the aisle, Leiandra of Basram. A beauty, intelligent…in love with another man! It was a royal duty, you married for your family and your country, not for yourself  
  
/You're gone…  
  
You're gone…  
  
You're gone  
  
You're gone...you're gone... you're...  
  
Gone/  
  
Do you Leiandra Kiata Basra, take Van Slanzar de Fanel, to be your lawfully wedded husband…  
  
/Ohhh.../  
  
Suddenly Van heard a voice, hardly more than a whisper, but still there.  
  
/Oh what'll I do  
  
If I can't be with you/  
  
"Van, are you there?"  
  
/Tell me where will I turn to  
  
Baby who will I be/  
  
His mind was torn from the ceremony, as he heard the voice of his one and only true love.  
  
"Hitomi?"  
  
/Now that we are apart  
  
Am I still in your heart?/  
  
"Van, I can't talk for long, but just remember, I will love you forever."  
  
/Baby why don't you see?  
  
That I need you here with me  
  
Oohhh.../  
  
"Don't forget me, please?" Her voice faded away.  
  
/I've been sitting here  
  
Can't get you off my mind  
  
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong  
  
I've drove myself insane  
  
Wishing I could touch your face  
  
But the truth remains/  
  
She was gone, he would not hear any more from her. But her just being there for him, it was enough.  
  
Been sitting here  
  
/Can't get you off my mind  
  
I've tried my best to be a man and be strong  
  
I drove myself insane  
  
Wishing I could touch your face  
  
But the truth remains/  
  
"Van Slanzar de Fanel, do you take Leiandra Kiata Basra, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"  
  
/You're gone...  
  
You're gone...  
  
You're gone  
  
You're gone  
  
Gone  
  
You're gone…/  
  
"I do."  
  
/But the truth remains  
  
You're.../  
  
"Goodbye Hitomi,"  
  
  
  
Pain might be endless, but true love lasts forever. 


	3. End

Last part, I really don't know what prompted me to write this fic, I'm not an angst person. But I'm glad I did. Thank you everyone who reviewed, it's nice to know I'm appreciated!  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Esca...HITOMI AND VAN WOULD BE TOGETHER!  
  
'Thought'  
  
"Speech"  
  
"The birthday of my life is come, my love is come to me"-Christina Rossetti.  
  
An End Can Also Be A Beginning...  
  
He could feel it…it was coming. But the King was not a person who shied away from the inevitable. It was to be a calm passing, nothing like he had expected his death would be. He had been a strong warrior, second to none, not even the legendary Knight of Caeli, Allen Schezar.  
  
'So this is how it's gonna end? And here I thought I'd find death at the point of a sword…at least Fanelia is in good hands.'  
  
As his vision began to haze, the faces of his sons and daughters faded, warping into the faces of friends all long gone, already in the afterlife. Allen, he had died as he had lived, fighting in a rebellion against his King and Queen, the last man left standing on the battle field, but his wounds had been mortal. Dryden, Millerna, both victims of the plague that had swept Gaea 20 years ago. Merle, left weak after the birth of her 4th child, had succumbed to a fever. Chid, the innocent boy had become a strong Duke, ruling the Duchy of Freid until his death, he had passed away peacefully in his sleep. Now he would be joining them…after all these years.  
  
His eyes closed for the final time, and with his final breath, he was finally free, free from it all…  
  
"Hitomi…"  
  
Even pain.  
  
*****  
  
She had been cooing over her newest grandchild, when she felt the pain rip through her. It was both physical and mental. Her aging heart couldn't take the stress, a heart attack was the result.  
  
Her eyes slowly opened, her brain trying to register the glare of bright lights…She was in the hospital. She could sense rather then see or feel the presence of her family…She was glad they could be there at the end.  
  
Her heart was to weak to continue…after Van's death. Yes, as soon as she woke up, she realised the cause of the attack. Even though her connection with Van had faded to almost nothing, the breaking of it was still a shock.  
  
She could hear Mina talking to the doctor, sobbing. Hitomi was proud of all her children, but Mina was her favourite, for one reason. Her resemblance to Van was hard to miss. She was Kenji's and Hers first child, but looked more like Van's. Her black hair and green eyes were a perfect meld of Hitomi and Van. Hitomi smiled, she was truly a child of her wishes.  
  
She started to slip away, the sound of the life support faded, along with the cries of her assembled family.  
  
'I guess…it's finally my time…'  
  
Her eyes closed for the last time…  
  
'Van…'  
  
While thinking of her love…  
  
*****  
  
"Eurgh…What!"  
  
Hitomi's eyes fluttered open and she could not suppress a cry of surprise.  
  
"Where am I…How am I?"  
  
She seemed to be in a endless void, stretching as far as the eye can see. No other colour apart from white was present, her eyes strained to find any other features, but there were none.  
  
"This…but…I died…didn't I?"  
  
She looked down at her hands, but was greeted with another surprise. Her hands, they were ones of a young woman, not one of her age. The shock only increased as she took in the rest of her body…she was young again!  
  
"It…it just can't be real…"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
That voice, it couldn't be! But as she turned to face it, she knew she had not been deceived.  
  
"Van…"  
  
He looked exactly as he had looked, the last time she had seen him, the eve of his wedding. She couldn't hold back, quickly covering the distance separating them, she flung herself into his arms, sobs wracking her body.  
  
"Hitomi…"  
  
Van tried to calm the shaking girl in his arms, but it was a while until her cries died down and her body was still. He tenderly wiped the tears off her face, his eyes never leaving hers. Suddenly he leaned over and lightly grazed her lips with his, but Hitomi was still in a state of shock and hardly registered the warmth of his lips on hers. She finally broke out of her stupor, but her voice still shook as she asked:  
  
"How…?"  
  
"Don't question it."  
  
He pulled her in closer and drew her in for a spine-tingling kiss, but this time she responded. As she started to melt into the kiss, Van spread his wings and flew upward. Hitomi didn't even notice, that is until her need to breathe overwhelmed her need to lose herself in Van's sweet taste.  
  
As they flew upwards, she noticed little patches of colour had begun to trickle into the endless white of their surroundings. Suddenly, they burst through a blanket of colour and she gasped as she recognised where they were.  
  
"It can't be…Gaea?!"  
  
She realised her assumption was correct as she looked around and saw the faces of all her friends, smiling at her and Van. Allen, Merle, Millerna, Dryden, even Folken and Celena were there. She turned to face her love, her angel, her Van.  
  
'Finally…I'm home."  
  
A smile erupted on Van's face as he noted her expression. He then whispered into her ear:  
  
"Sometimes love, an end is only a beginning…"  
  
  
  
  
  
O…K, that was strange…Please R&R! 


End file.
